What Does Taking a Break in Your Relationship Mean?

If you and your partner deeply care about one another, but you can’t seem to figure out a way to move forward, you might be curious if taking a temporary break is the right decision for you and your relationship. Whether you’re yearning for time apart to pursue your own personal goals or to defuse the tension that arises from constantly arguing, pushing pause can give you the time, space, and perspective needed to determine what’s best for your union. 

Though it might sound counterintuitive, the point of taking a break is to strengthen your relationship—the goal is to come back to your significant other with a restored sense of purpose, commitment, and understanding. "A break doesn’t always mean that the relationship is over, but it does mean that the relationship cannot continue on the same path," emphasizes relationship expert Nicholas “Nic” Hardy. "Either one or both persons need additional time and space to gain clarity, make changes, redefine the relationship, or reach a conclusion about the relationship altogether."

Do you think a break might be the best decision for your relationship? We asked Hardy, and relationship therapist Jaime Bronstein, to unpack the term, discuss the effects, and help you figure out if it’s the right move for you. Ahead, read on to learn what it means to take a break in a relationship.

Here's What It Means to Take a Break in a Relationship 

Taking a break means that you and your partner have decided to temporarily spend some time apart from one another and your relationship—and according to Bronstein, the terms of the agreement vary depending on the couple. For instance, while you’re on a break, the two of you might choose to communicate with each other from time or you might cut off all contact for the duration of the pause. “Couples need to do what is best for them, and both people should honor each other’s needs,” she says.

Ultimately, if you aren’t on the same page about the time apart or you aren’t intentional with how you spend it, a break can occasionally turn into a permanent split. For the break to be successful, you and your partner must agree on why you’re taking a step back, the amount of time you’re going to spend apart, whether or not you’re going to date other people, and the final goal you want to achieve.

The Difference Between Taking a Break in a Relationship and Breaking Up

Taking a break doesn’t mean you and your partner have broken up. Breaks are temporary pauses in a relationship, while breakups are permanent separations. By spending time away from each other, the intention is to return to the partnership as a stronger unit. “Sometimes, a break can strengthen a couple, and when they come back together, they are more grateful for each other,” Bronstein shares. “It can work if both people are willing to make the relationship work.” 

That being said, breaks can occasionally turn into breakups, since a desire for time apart is a signal that there’s instability in the relationship. In some cases, a couple may initially decide to push pause on their partnership, only to later realize that they're better off solo or receive clarity that their union was unhealthy. Other times, the desire for a break might be one-sided, so the chances of a long-term breakup are higher, Bronstein notes.

Reasons Why Couples Take a Break in Their Relationship

There are a multitude of reasons why some couples decide to take a break. From personal reasons to matters outside of their control, we explore each one below.

A Desire for Self-Discovery

If you and your significant other have been dating your entire lives or you’re just graduating college, you might feel compelled to understand who you are as an individual before you commit to the other person. Taking a break from the relationship gives you the time and space to learn more about yourself and your needs, so you return to the union as a more self-aware, evolved person and partner. Spending time apart also helps you gain perspective, allowing you to figure out what you want from the relationship and whether it’s going to be a worthwhile part of your future.  

Frequent Disagreements

Some couples decide to push pause because they’re at odds. Perhaps the two of you care for each other, but you’re always arguing and can never reach a resolution. In the heat of the moment, you might be acting on emotion, so taking time and space away from the relationship will give you the ability to reflect on the disagreements, consider other perspectives, and figure out the best way to respond when you’re in a calmer headspace. 

External Circumstances

Other times, there are situations outside of the couple’s control that lead to breaks. For example, maybe your partner’s company moves them to a different state, so you choose to take a break for the time being. At first, you might decide to pursue a long-distance relationship, but if it doesn’t work, you may opt for a pause instead.

The Pros and Cons of Taking a Break in a Relationship

Taking a break has some benefits and drawbacks, depending on the couple and their reason for needing space in the first place. Below, we unpack some of the pros and cons. 

The Pros

The main objective of taking a break is to strengthen your connection. Spending time apart gives the two of you a fresh perspective on one another and your relationship. By temporarily separating, you’ll have the time and space to reevaluate your own wants, needs, and desires and better understand the impact of your partner on your life and well-being. With this new point of view, you’ll be able to come back to the union with a better appreciation for your significant other or better insight into resolving your issues.

According to Bronstein, a break is only helpful if both parties use their time apart intentionally, which means looking inward and reflecting. “Get clear on what is working in the relationship and what is missing, so you feel more centered and sure of yourself when you return to the relationship,” she advises.

The Cons

Alternatively, opting to take a break might be delaying the inevitable: a breakup. Choosing to part ways for a certain amount of time means that you’re delaying a difficult conversation and prolonging any pain, sadness, guilt or other distressing emotions associated with it. You might also find that pushing pause adds a lot of stress and anxiety to your life if you’re constantly wondering what your partner is doing and what conclusion they’re going to reach regarding your relationship.  

Signs That Taking a Break Is Right for Your Relationship

If you have an inkling that your relationship will benefit from spending time apart, honor that. We asked Bronstein to discuss some of the telltale signs taking a break is the right move for you and your partner.

You’re Uncertain About the Future

When you think about the future, is your partner part of the picture? Having any doubts about your relationship and its longevity might signal that it’s time to take a break. Bronstein says time apart will give the two of you the space needed to determine whether a long-term relationship is in the cards. Without the pressure of a label, you’ll be able to reevaluate your needs, goals, and compatibility.

You Don’t Feel at Peace in the Relationship

Having a happy and healthy mental state is essential for your own well-being and the success of your relationship. Even if you can’t pinpoint the exact reason why you feel on edge in your union, Bronstein believes it’s a good indication that a break is needed. “Use the break to try and identify why you don’t feel at peace, and evaluate if there’s anything that can salvage the relationship and bring about a restored feeling of peace,” she recommends.

There’s Constant Conflict

Constantly arguing with your partner is exhausting—it can really take a toll on your mental health and self-esteem. If the two of you are fighting about anything and everything and you can’t seem to come up with a solution, a break might help defuse the tension and give you more clarity. “It could allow both people to gain perspective and think about ways to address underlying issues,” Bronstein mentions.

What Is the Likelihood of Reconciliation After Taking a Break?

Since every relationship is different, the likelihood of reconciliation after taking a break is "largely contingent upon what led to the break, and the changes made while separated," explains Hardy. "For example, some problems in a relationship can be fixed with a change in perspective and/or other adjustments. However, the consequences of some problems are more detrimental, creating more challenges when trying to reconcile."

Essentially, the reason why you took a break in the first place will determine if you and your partner will get back together. Your desire to "fix" your relationship will also play a role in reconciling. "There must be an intentional effort to change whatever challenges led to the need for a break in the first place," Hardy shares. "Without change, then a break could be a temporary fix to deeper rooted issues that have a long-term impact on the relationship."